Beau Stories

Anyone who has known me for more than a year has been told a “Beau” story. And now I’m compelled to start putting my “Beau” stories in writing.

In a city of less than 30,000 people there is a short list of ways to kill time. So when the 7:30 showing of Jim Carrey’s “The Grinch” was sold out, my friends and I grabbed tickets to the 9:30 and proceeded over to the Ashland Town Center Mall to hang at the Wal-Mart. Now you must understand, my group of friends were not just your typical teenage males- picture Freaks and Geeks and then some. And Beau, the lead character in most of my childhood stories, is especially different. At this point in time I think it’s fair to describe him as John Goodman (during the Roseanne days) with bushy hair, a Hartford Whalers hat, a barn jacket, a Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, black socks, and black work shoes; an ensemble to turn heads even in Ashland, KY. We were purusing the value-filled isles while watching for following prices, when Beau spotted one of his many odd fascinations – cheap toy rifles. I’m talking the rifles that are strapped to cardboard by bread ties and have the clicking level to simulate cocking the gun. Whenever he saw one loose, he required 5 minutes of cheap toy gun entertainment. And in this particular instance, there were two detached from their cardboard homes. The guns were quickly snatched up and armed both of Beau’s hands. Immediately there was pathetic attempts at army field maneuvers being performed and elbow crawling through the toy section and into the school supplies. Charlie was not safe. Not safe in housewares. Not safe in automotive. And soon the enemy camp would have been taken captive, if it were not for the upset mother approaching with a little girl’s hand tightly grasped in hers’. The bewildered women narrowed her eyes and said to Beau, “it’s because of people like you that I won’t allow my daughter to walk around alone.” She turned quickly without time for a response and left. Beau then turned to me and explained, “I was going to shoot her, but I thought it would have been a bit much.” And so is the way of Beau.